Our God is so faithful. I am in awe tonight of how faithful He remains--even in my unfaithfulness.

I spent some time last weekend with my "Adoption Expense/Donation Spreadsheet." Okay, I know I have come down pretty hard on my sweet husband for his great love of spreadsheets (he thinks in spreadsheets, you know). But I must say that I have come to understand him a bit better (just a bit...) during this adoption process. We have determined that we would document every donation and how every dollar has been spent. We want to be above reproach and be able to show, on paper, how we have used the money that so many have sacrificed to give us.

When we first heard God stirring our hearts for Sweet A, we were puzzled at why He would call us at this time in our lives. Not only are we "older parents, (giggle)" we have had some challenges financially in recent years. Job loss, kids in college, a wedding--things we both mourned and celebrated. Of course we mourned the job loss, but were able to celebrate as God provide a new job quickly. Love seeing my girls follow their dreams through college, but miss them dearly when they leave. Enjoyed every aspect of  wedding planning, details and the big day!  But I do miss my grown up girl at the dinner table (or restaurant table).One thing in common in all of these situations .....money!  Cannot get around it, we were intrigued at how this adoption would come together financially. But He has provided for every need. And He continues to provide.

Last weekend, we were able to participate in the Tarrant County Buddy Walk for Down Syndrome. I was so excited to be a part of this new community and looked so forward to this day!  As we walked around the incredible event, I saw hundreds of beauties with those amazing almond shaped eyes. We so enjoyed the event with our dear friends, but I found myself missing Sweet A so very much. Every time I saw a little one, I would wonder what our little one was doing, how she was doing, and when we would be able to get back to her.

Here is where we are. The paperwork is done on our end. Our adoption agency is doing their final checks and our court dossier (a bunch of papers for the judge to look over) should  be going to Eastern Europe in the next couple of weeks. From there, there is a preliminary court hearing with our representative, and if the judge doesn't ask for more paperwork, our court date will be set. Then we get to go back! We are praying this happens in November or early December. So for now, we wait. 

We still have to prepare her room, and we still need funds. So while we are eager to get back to EE, my mind has begun to ask questions. "What if we don't have all the money when we get the call to go to court?" "How in the world will we ever get this money?" "What should we do?"

After we left the Buddy Walk last weekend, these questions found their way to my lips. I sobbed most of the way home. I write those words out of my total need to be transparent. I am not proud of those questions, and I am not proud of my doubt. But, for me it is part of my journey, and I don't want to paint a picture that doesn't exist.

Here comes the funny part (kind of). As I sat there bawling, Rob first looked at me like I had three heads. But he was very sweet and calmly said, "Sweetheart, God has provided exactly what we needed at the exact time we needed it throughout this whole process. He has called us, and He is going to provide again this time. I know you would like to have all His provision right now, but this will cause our faith to grow."  Then, to lighten the mood, he started singing a scripture song that we taught our girls when they were young. "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Guess what?  I got mad.

I got really mad at him! I told him he just didn't understand! I told him to stop judging me! I cried some more. OH dear--can you believe that?? Here is the worst....I told him to stop quoting scripture to me!!

NOT my finest moment folks. But you know what? Once again, I came to the end of myself and my own strength. I confessed my doubt and disbelief to my loving Heavenly Father, and decided to rest in His provision. He gave me peace and assurance that He has this whole strangely wonderful situation in His plan and in His hands.

Tonight I got a call and it was from a dear friend informing me that she and her husband had made a donation to our adoption fund. Already done. Sent this week. Done. Sent. We are halfway funded for trip #2. God is good. God provides. God has this.

Day 2 and 3

Day two began with A's "Baba" bringing her to us, once again carrying her like a little sack of potatoes!  She doesn't seem to mind at all being carried like this, but it is quite a sight to see her facing forward, with those long skinny legs hanging down! I don't think she gets out of her room a lot, and she was certainly wide-eyed today as she took in her surroundings!

Fun things about our second visit:

• Sweet A smelled so good!  I mean, she had recently had a bath, and she smelled all "soapy." There is nothing better than a clean baby! Her outfit was interesting to say the least, but she sure smelled good!
• We brought a little ball on our visit today. It was a cheap ball that we had gotten at the market. (our suitcases--which held more toys--had not yet arrived and we had been there three days at this point) Sweet A LOVED this little ball. It had little grooves in it, and so it was easy for her to grip. She can sure throw a ball!  We have some precious video of her throwing the ball and then laughing as Rob "fetched" the ball.
• While it was hard saying "goodbye" today, we felt excited because we were only half way through our visits!

God had truly healed my heart and mind. There were no tears on visit two, I simply relaxed and enjoyed her presence. What a sweet little one. Yes, very delayed, and very tiny. But God was with her. So far away, and before we ever knew her, He knew her and loved her. What a God we serve.

We were invited to "tea" with the Orphanage Director and Head Doctor after our visit. These ladies were so hospitable!  As we made our way into what looked like the break room, it was like we were being welcomed into their home. They served us hot tea with honey (from the orphanage's hives) and yummy cakes/cookies. Through our interpreter, they asked us questions about our family (and we proudly showed them pictures of all of our kids) and were genuinely interested in us. I have to say they were absolutely delightful ladies!

Another highlight of day two came when we returned to our hotel. We decided to go and purchase some diapers for the orphanage. On our way, we found a Carl's Junior!  ROB WAS IN HEAVEN as he ate his bacon cheeseburger!  A little taste of home!

Day three brought some concern. It had gotten a bit cooler that day, and rained quite a lot that morning. When we got to the orphanage, it was raining pretty hard. We went to the designated room for our visit, and we noticed a stark difference in Little A today. She was lethargic, and she seemed like she did not feel well. She did not respond like she had on days 1 and 2. I don't know if anyone else has ever experienced this, but when my girls were little and illness was coming on, they had a funny smell to their breath. It almost smelled like rubbing alcohol. I know--weird, but this is how A's breath smelled. We were very concerned and we first asked our interpreter about it. She said it was the weather change. She said that happens with the kids here in EE when the weather changes. Okay--she is a Mom and I trusted her, but I was still concerned. So, I asked  the Head Doctor. She said the same thing--weather change. We enjoyed our visit despite our concerns. Little A drank her juice that we had brought. Actually, she does not know how to drink from a straw, but after some conversation between our interpreter and the doctor, someone brought in a tea cup. I was instructed to pour the juice into the cup. I was intrigued at these instructions. However, I did as I was told!  I gave A the cup and guess what!? She put her little hands around that cup and drank all the juice without spilling a drop!  She slurped loudly (yes we also have video of this) and handed it back to me as if to say "more!" I dutifully poured more in the cup and she drank almost the whole juice box from the cup! Wow--she has some skills we never would have imagined!

Amazing things were happening in our hearts as these days flew by. Rob became more and more confident that we were following God's perfect plan. I realized that it was no accident that we had flown for a total of 17 hours, then driven 2 hours to meet this tiny human being. No accident at all. God was in this--yes, He was and is in every. single. detail.