Saturday, March 17, 2012

Lists

Funny thing--our lives seem to be full of lists these days. I am really happy to work off of small lists that I can accomplish and check off, and then begin a new small list(very satisfying). However, not so with Mr. Thomas. We sat down last weekend to look at some of the paperwork that is yet to be done, and before I knew it he had his laptop out and had created an entire spreadsheet "list."  This color-coded spreadsheet is complete with lots and lots of columns, including the cost of each item, where we send each piece of paperwork, an "interim" due date and a "drop dead" due date. When he was all finished he looked at me proudly and said "Now, doesn't that just make you feel better to be able to see it all on one spreadsheet?" I smiled politely and said "yes." The next day I had to admit to him that it actually had totally overwhelmed me. But to be fair, I so see his perspective, and I am glad that at least he feels better! Now back to making my small lists off of the BIG spreadsheet...

Remember that "obstacle list" that I made as we began this journey? Well, after Rob assured me that my list of obstacles really didn't matter to God--(that if we were really called to this then the list would not be a problem)--I actually forgot about it! Funny thing, sometimes God works faith into our lives even when we don't realize it. Well, today I was scrolling through the "notes" section on my iphone, and I came across that list of my NINE identified obstacles to our family moving forward with this adoption. And...guess what?? YES!  Without me even realizing it, every single obstacle has been resolved!! (I can check off that list!) So, you know what I found myself doing? I actually made an "Obstacle List #2!" I scolded myself after I had made it; I mean why can't I just have the faith that God will provide and clear the path for the PLAN that He has ordained?? Am I really that hard headed? Then I realized that though I certainly have room to grow in the faith area, God put me together like this. It is part of who I am. I deal with demanding and stressful situations by working through them one step at a time---with a list! He is good and patient and kind and full of grace. And He is probably not even bothered by my lists.

So there you go. God is persistent to weave faith into our lives even when we are anxiously running around trying to do what only He can do. He is long-suffering with us even in our weakest, most human moments. His grace is available and it is His joy to lavish that grace upon us. And best of all...it's not up to me or my lists!

"Cease striving and know that I am God; 

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” 

Psalm 46:10 (NASB)




Thursday, March 8, 2012

Update and... transparency

Well, it has been quite a while--a month--since I last posted. We have been busy doing paperwork and getting our home ready for the home study (I wonder if they really open kitchen cabinets and underwear drawers to see how neat I am).  I am most likely stressing out just a little too much over the home study (ya think?), but I do want everything to be in order.


The whole home study thing feels like our lives are under a very powerful microscope. Our decisions--bad and good--are being examined. Our financial decisions, our parenting decisions, our flooring decisions (okay, I may have gone too far on that one...) our school district, choice of doctors, and on and on and on...


And then there is the money thing. I went into this whole venture clinging to Psalm 50:10 where it states that our Heavenly Father "owns the cattle on a thousand hills." He owns it all and controls it all--I am so confident in that. And yet, at this point I would honestly like to "liquidate" some of that livestock for cold. hard. cash.


I told you I was going to be transparent! Sometimes that is not so pretty, but I will always keep it real. I am not super-spiritual or always full of faith. I am just a plain old mother who doubts, fears, falls and has hard days. What I do know is this: God called Rob and I to move thus far. We have to walk this step by step.We have to continue each day to take the next step until we bring A home or He causes this journey to end in a different way.


"And He is not served by human hands, as if He needed anything, because He Himself gives all men life, and breath and everything else." Acts 17:25

So I will choose to trust in Him and His timing. I will "practice" Hebrews 12:1-2 each day. I will "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles" (for me--fear and doubt) and I will "run with perseverance the race marked out" for me. And finally, I will "fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith." (this was all His idea) That's really what this adoption (and everything in life for that matter) is all about--fixing our eyes on Jesus.