Ahhh...here you are my familiar friend... insomnia. As I try to go to sleep tonight (this morning) my mind is having so much trouble being still. (Wasn't my last post about "being still?")
Rob and I have been on a whirlwind ride since Thursday, August 23rd, when we got the call that we would be traveling to meet sweet A. Details to work out, money to move around, visas to apply for, etc. Somewhere deep inside, I could never honestly "picture" what this part was going to look like or feel like.I expected to only feel joy and excitement, and my emotions have surprised me. Suddenly this is very real. I want it to be real, don't get me wrong, but it is really real.
I have to be honest--questions and concerns have plagued me. Will we really be able to do this? I mean, we are NOT in our 20's you know,....or 30's...or 40's for that matter. Why would God call us to do this at this point in our lives? I mean we will most likely be grandparents in the next couple of years. And I so look forward to being a grandmother! Why now? Will she progress when we get her home like everyone (including doctors) say she will? Will love and lots of therapy really be enough? And what about our other girls? They are all grown up, but they still need their Mom and Dad. I want to be involved in their lives more than ever, but how will I assure them of that? Will we bond with sweet A appropriately? Will she bond to us? How will we ever work our schedules out to include all she is going to need of us? How are we going to finance the remainder of this adoption?
I can honestly say that I do not have answers. What I do have is the absolute assurance that God called us to this. He asked us to go and make this little child a part of our family. A child who doesn't yet know us or love us. A child who has not known the love of a mother, father, sister or brother. A child who has never been cherished. A child who has never "belonged" to anyone. What is most incredible is that He has given us such great joy in our pursuit of her! There is no dread, just uncertainty. And amazingly, He has taught us how to pursue Him with greater passion and to look forward in faith to His incredible provision.
So, we will rest on God's call and on His sovereignty. He hasn't told us how, but He has told us to go. And...we will go with joy!
Stay tuned--I have a feeling the best is yet to come!